When a child’s behavior feels confusing, intense, or difficult to manage, it can be tempting to focus only on stopping the behavior. Trust-Based Relational Intervention®, commonly called TBRI, offers a different starting point: understand what may be happening beneath the behavior, strengthen safety and connection, and teach skills with compassion and consistency.
TBRI® is an attachment-based, trauma-informed approach developed to support children and youth who have experienced adversity, toxic stress, disrupted relationships, neglect, abuse, or other challenging early experiences. Its principles can also be useful for many families seeking a more connected, responsive way to parent. Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development describes TBRI® as a whole-child model built around three integrated areas: Empowering, Connecting, and Correcting.
At Horizon Counseling Services in Centerville, Utah, we understand that parenting can be deeply rewarding and deeply exhausting—especially when your child is struggling with anxiety, emotional outbursts, shutdowns, school challenges, or relationship difficulties. Learning trauma-informed parenting strategies can help caregivers move away from power struggles and toward safety, trust, and long-term emotional growth.
What Is TBRI®?
Trust-Based Relational Intervention® is a practical framework that helps adults respond to children with empathy while still providing structure, boundaries, and guidance. It does not mean allowing harmful behavior or avoiding limits. Instead, it recognizes that some behavior may be driven by stress, fear, unmet needs, limited coping skills, or past experiences that taught a child the world is not safe or predictable.
Children who have experienced relational trauma or instability may react strongly to situations that seem minor to adults. A simple “no,” a change in schedule, a correction from a teacher, hunger, fatigue, or a disagreement with a sibling may activate a big stress response. They may become angry, controlling, withdrawn, tearful, oppositional, or unusually anxious.
TBRI® helps caregivers ask an important question: What need or skill gap might be underneath this behavior? That question does not excuse unsafe or hurtful choices. It helps adults respond in a way that addresses both the immediate issue and the child’s underlying need.
The model was developed by Dr. Karyn Purvis and Dr. David Cross at Texas Christian University. Research and training materials describe it as a trauma-informed, attachment-centered approach that pays attention to a child’s physical, emotional, behavioral, and relational needs.pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih+1
For a child who has learned not to trust adults, consistent connection may be just as important as correction. For a child whose body is overwhelmed by hunger, exhaustion, or sensory stress, regulation may need to come before problem-solving. TBRI® gives parents, foster parents, educators, and helping professionals a roadmap for responding with both warmth and healthy authority.
The Three TBRI® Principles
TBRI® is organized around three core principles: Empowering, Connecting, and Correcting. These principles work together rather than as separate steps.
1. Empowering Principles: Support the Body and Environment
A child cannot consistently use coping skills when their nervous system is overwhelmed. The Empowering Principles encourage caregivers to consider physical needs, sensory needs, routines, and environmental stressors before assuming a child is simply “choosing” to be difficult.
This may include making sure children have regular meals and hydration, enough sleep, opportunities for movement, and predictable routines. It may also involve helping them prepare for transitions, such as leaving for school, attending a family gathering, meeting a new caregiver, or changing plans unexpectedly.
For example, imagine a child who frequently melts down after school. Instead of immediately discussing homework, behavior, or chores, a caregiver might first offer a snack, water, a few minutes of quiet time, or outdoor movement. Once the child is more regulated, the family can address responsibilities and problem-solve together.
This approach is not about being overly permissive. It is about recognizing that regulation often begins in the body. TBRI® materials identify hydration, nutrition, physical activity, predictability, sensory input, and transition support as important parts of helping children feel safe and ready to learn.sac+1
Families can begin by considering a few practical questions:
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Has my child eaten, had water, slept, or had enough movement today?
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Is something in the environment overstimulating or overwhelming them?
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Did an unexpected change make them feel unsafe or out of control?
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Does my child need help shifting from one activity or expectation to another?
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Am I expecting them to solve a problem before their body is calm enough to do so?
These questions can be especially helpful for children with anxiety, ADHD, autism spectrum disorder, trauma histories, sensory sensitivities, or emotional regulation challenges.
2. Connecting Principles: Build Trust Before Problems Escalate
The Connecting Principles focus on the caregiver-child relationship. Children are more likely to accept guidance when they feel seen, heard, respected, and emotionally safe with the adult providing it.
Connection can be built through everyday moments: listening without immediately correcting, getting down to a child’s eye level, using a calm tone of voice, making time for shared play, noticing effort, and responding with curiosity rather than shame. It also includes awareness of the child’s emotional state and the caregiver’s own state.
A parent may say, “I can see you are really frustrated right now. I’m here, and we will work through this together.” That response communicates that the child’s feelings are allowed, even if certain actions are not.
TBRI® emphasizes caregiver awareness, engagement, and attunement. In other words, adults learn to pay attention to their own emotions, observe what the child may be communicating, and respond in a way that fits the child’s developmental and emotional needs.pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih+1
Connection is particularly important for children who have learned to expect rejection, criticism, or unpredictability from adults. These children may test limits, push caregivers away, or reject affection—not necessarily because they do not want connection, but because closeness may feel unfamiliar or unsafe.
Small, repeated moments of reliability can make a meaningful difference:
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Follow through on promises whenever possible.
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Apologize when you make a mistake.
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Keep your voice calm during conflict.
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Create brief, regular one-on-one time.
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Notice and name positive choices.
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Let children know they can bring you difficult feelings.
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Stay present after setting a boundary.
A connected relationship does not prevent every difficult behavior. However, it can create the emotional foundation that makes learning, repair, and accountability more possible.
Correcting Principles: Teach, Don’t Just Punish
The Correcting Principles help caregivers respond to challenging behavior in a way that protects safety, preserves dignity, and teaches skills. TBRI® recognizes that children often need direct coaching in emotional regulation, communication, problem-solving, social skills, and making repairs after conflict.
Traditional punishment may stop behavior in the moment, but it does not always teach a child what to do differently next time. A child who yells, hits, lies, steals food, refuses school, or shuts down may need accountability—but they may also need help identifying emotions, calming their body, asking for help, or practicing a safer response.
A trauma-informed correction might sound like this:
“It is okay to be angry. It is not okay to hit. Let’s take space, help your body calm down, and then we will practice what you can say when you are upset.”
This response communicates three things at once: the feeling is accepted, the unsafe behavior has a clear limit, and the child is capable of learning another way.
TBRI® distinguishes between proactive and responsive strategies. Proactive strategies are used during calm moments to teach emotional and social skills before a problem occurs. Responsive strategies are used during or after a challenging moment to help the child regain regulation, repair harm, and practice a more appropriate response.
For instance, if a child often becomes upset when losing games, practice can happen before game night. A parent might say, “Sometimes losing feels disappointing. Let’s practice taking a breath and saying, ‘Good game—I want to try again.’” When the child later struggles, the caregiver can offer a calm reminder instead of treating the reaction as a surprise or a personal failure.
TBRI® Is Not “No Consequences”
One common misunderstanding is that trauma-informed parenting means there are no consequences. That is not the goal of TBRI®. Children need boundaries. They need adults who will protect them, protect others, and respond consistently when behavior is unsafe or harmful.
The difference is in the purpose and delivery of correction. Rather than relying on fear, humiliation, or disconnection, a TBRI®-informed response aims to teach responsibility and build skills.
A helpful consequence should be:
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Related to the behavior when possible.
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Delivered calmly rather than in anger.
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Developmentally appropriate.
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Focused on repair and learning.
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Consistent with the child’s needs and circumstances.
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Paired with reconnection after the issue is addressed.
For example, if a child throws a toy and it breaks, a caregiver may help them clean up, take a break from that activity, and discuss a safer choice for handling frustration. If another person was hurt, repair might include checking on them, offering an apology when the child is ready, and practicing what to do when anger rises again.
The goal is not to make a child feel bad. The goal is to help them build the capacity to do better.
Who Can Benefit From TBRI®?
TBRI® was designed with children and youth from “hard places” in mind, including those affected by early adversity, foster care, adoption, disrupted attachment, neglect, abuse, violence, or repeated changes in caregivers.child.tcu+1
However, its central ideas can be valuable for many families. Children do not need a formal trauma history to benefit from predictable routines, emotional attunement, respectful boundaries, and support with self-regulation.
TBRI®-informed strategies may be helpful for children who experience:
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Frequent meltdowns, anger, or emotional shutdowns.
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Anxiety, excessive worry, or difficulty with transitions.
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Problems with trust or attachment.
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School refusal or behavioral challenges at school.
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Conflict with parents, siblings, peers, or caregivers.
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Difficulty accepting “no” or managing frustration.
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Grief, family changes, divorce, relocation, or other major life transitions.
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Trauma-related symptoms, including hypervigilance or strong reactions to seemingly small events.
Parents and caregivers can benefit as well. Caring for a child with significant emotional or behavioral needs can leave adults feeling depleted, reactive, guilty, or isolated. Therapy and parent support can provide a place to process those feelings, develop practical strategies, and reduce the pressure to handle everything alone.
Using TBRI® at Home
You do not need to change everything overnight. Start with one area where your family regularly gets stuck. Perhaps mornings are chaotic, homework creates conflict, bedtime leads to arguments, or your child has trouble recovering after disappointment.
Here are a few gentle ways to begin:
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Create predictable routines. Use visual schedules, consistent meal times, warnings before transitions, and simple expectations. Predictability can reduce stress for many children.
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Connect before directing. Before giving an instruction, approach calmly, make a brief connection, and use a respectful tone. A child is often more receptive when they feel emotionally safe.
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Notice regulation needs. Offer water, snacks, rest, movement, sensory breaks, or quiet time before trying to solve a behavioral problem.
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Teach skills during calm times. Practice coping statements, taking deep breaths, asking for help, using respectful words, and repairing mistakes when everyone is regulated.
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Use choices when appropriate. Choices can give children a healthy sense of control: “Would you like to do homework at the table or at the desk?” Avoid offering choices when safety or non-negotiable limits are involved.
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Repair after conflict. If you raise your voice or respond in a way you regret, return to the child and model accountability. “I was frustrated, but I should not have yelled. I am sorry. Let’s try that conversation again.”
Repair teaches children that relationships can survive conflict. It also shows them that mistakes do not have to lead to shame or disconnection.
When Professional Support Can Help
TBRI® principles can be a meaningful part of family life, but some concerns require additional support. Consider reaching out to a licensed mental health professional if your child’s struggles are affecting school, relationships, sleep, daily functioning, or family safety.
Professional counseling may be especially important when a child has experienced trauma, shows signs of depression or severe anxiety, engages in self-harm, talks about wanting to die, becomes aggressive, has major changes in eating or sleep, or cannot regulate intense emotions despite consistent support at home.
At Horizon Counseling Services, our therapists support children, teens, adults, and families facing anxiety, depression, trauma, life transitions, parenting concerns, and relationship stress. Our team offers compassionate mental health counseling for clients in Centerville, Davis County, Salt Lake City, and nearby Utah communities. Learn more about our approach on our Horizon Counseling Services homepage or contact our office to discuss whether therapy may be a helpful next step.
TBRI® is not about being a perfect parent. It is about becoming more curious, consistent, and connected—especially during the moments that feel hardest. When children experience safety, trust, and respectful guidance, they have a stronger foundation for emotional healing and healthy growth.
